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by Haywood Jablowmi
Republic of Eugene
The Grinch tried and failed,
but the city dictators in Eugene, Oregon have actually succeeded.
This is a typical politically correct college town, full of wackos and
fruitcakes. The city has actually officially banned Christmas trees
from public spaces. That means no huge tree in the center of town,
no tiny trees in city offices, or even any decorations on any trees on
city property. The city manager of Eugene said it was an effort to
avoid offending anyone. So they took a harmless, happy little symbol
of the season, and made it illegal.
What a bunch of control freaks.
Can you imagine what's next? No more T-shirts with objectionable
words or images in the town limits...maybe everyone should get the same
haircut, and wear uniforms. And while we're at it, why not just set
up checkpoints at all the entrances to Eugene, so we can keep track of
everyone who comes and goes. Not for any particular reason you understand,
we just want it for statistical purposes. Yeah, that's the ticket. |
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| The
fine thinkers who concocted this public relations fuckup are a scary bunch.
Of course, if you look at it from their standpoint, allowing such symbols
of joy and peace to be displayed on city property would be so tacky.
"We take a lot of pride in keeping our city clean and perfectly arranged.
Hey you! Yeah, you in the Volvo, you're parked two inches off center...get
with the program, this is Eugene, not Salt Lake City. And here's
a citation because your car needs washing. Honestly, I don't know
why they even let some people live. Uh, don't quote me, ok?"
So you can see why allowing people to enjoy a simple pleasure like Christmas
decorations on city property would abdicate their right of absolute control.
I'd like to invite anyone
who is forced to live in East Berlin, Uh I mean Eugene, Oregon to visit
McAdenville, NC. This is a little town that would give the enlightened
city fathers in Eugene severe acid reflux.
For the last few months,
city employees, including Police officers and Firemen have been decorating
their town. It's famous for the one of most extensive collections
of Christmas trees known to man, over 400 evergreens wearing nearly half
a million red white and green lights. The entire village is decked
out to give the tourists something to ooooh and aaaah about.
It's a free pleasure that's
an annual tradition for people from all over the two state area Sweethearts
to grandparents are transported to a holiday wonderland that leaves them
feeling happy. There's just one main street that meanders from one
end of town to the other. You turn off your headlights and cruise
about 10 mph for the next twenty minutes.
McAdenville is what is known
as a North Carolina mill village. It was developed about a hundred
years ago to provide housing for the millworkers in the local textile factories.
The town was owned by the company, and as a result there are dozens of
nearly identical modest white clapboard houses...but during December, they're
all completely different.
Decorating is high art, It's
a matter of community pride, and they really know how to do it right.
Of course, when I crawl along soaking up all the festive sights and sounds,
I know in my heart of hearts that this is an illicit pleasure. I
should be ashamed, and abstain from such decadence in support of my brothers
and sisters in Eugene.
We must fight the good fight
and say no to Christmas trees. After all, that must truly be the
will of the people, or they'd bounce the idiots responsible out on their
pompous asses. Incidentally ,if you'd like to express your feeling
about this to the head pinheads in Eugene City Hall, write
here. |
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