Comments
by Scoper...
Ampless in America
In the year 2000, I expect
a car battery to last close to five years. Apparently, the one in my three-year-old
car had been smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily. It technically died
on Friday, September 22. But it was only "mostly" dead, not "completely"
dead, and therein lies the tale.
A cranky battery means an
un-crankable car. Is there anything worse in these United States? Well,
maybe losing your wallet (see: "Humanity in a Pocket" in the Full Disclosure
Archive.) But nothing will drive home (so to speak) the point of how dependent
we are on the automobile than discovering your cherished machine ain't
going nowhere because the engine won't start and it's too heavy to push.
"Maintenance-free," the label
on top of the battery read. They weren't lying about that: no amount of
maintenance or sweet-talk is going to save a juice-box that's actively
leaking acid. I've had dead batteries before, but now I'm a victim of the
"vast, technological conspiracy."
A modern, mid-size American
car has a high-compression engine of almost 200 horsepower. It takes a
lot of amps to turn one of those over, and even after the battery decided
- without warning - that it just couldn't do that anymore, there was still
power for the interior lights, panel lights, radio and even headlights
to show themselves. There was a time when a low battery would do none of
those things, so at least you knew what the problem was. Now, you're not
so sure. (Since I hadn't spotted the acid-leak, I wasn't sure either.)
The following morning (luckily
my day off) I tried the key one more time, and it started! Beautiful! But
thinks I, I'm still going to get this problem checked out by a pro, because
if it happened before it can happen again. (More luck: when the car "died"
it was at home. If you've gotta be stranded, that's the place to be.)
An hour later, I'm ready
to go to the dealership. The car wasn't. Not anymore. It mocked me with
its clickety-clicks and ding-ding bells, telling me in Oldsmobile-speak:
"Hey, I was dressed an hour ago. Why weren't you?"
The tow-truck arrived shortly
after noon. (Pouring rain overnight meant a lot of accidents and a lot
of business for the wrecker companies. If you're not blocking traffic or
wrapped around a tree, you're a lower priority.)
The tow-truck guy tries the
ignition three or four times, and the car starts yet again. It's
hard to be joyful when you feel like a blithering idiot. I thank him and
tell him to leave the engine running; I'll get it to the dealership myself.
"What's my problem?" I ask
him.
"Oh, dude, you've got a bad
starter. It's hanging up."
My mind floods with negative
thoughts: replacement starter, $200 plus labor, plus I'll have to leave
the car which means a rental car until Monday, totaling basically everything
I had planned to spend on Christmas presents this year.
"But since I don't have to
tow the car," he smiles, "it's only $25 for the service call."
Thanks, Mr. tow-truck man.
I've still got three dollars left.
Once in the dealership service-area,
I leave the engine running. I explain the problem to the customer service
representative, who gets in the car, turns the engine off and he, too,
gets it started! Three times! Somebody up there just hates me.
"You've got to believe me!
Sometimes it doesn't start!"
He hands me a business card
and says: "if it ever happens again, give me a call."
No telephone required. He
had shut the engine off again, and, true to form, it wouldn't start for
me. HA! YES! VINDICATION! (In the back of my mind, I realized that the
more the car acted up, oddly, the happier I was becoming. Especially now
because this time it happened in front of someone who could theoretically
do something about it!)
"SEE! SEE! I TOLD YOU!" This
prompts the guy to call in a mechanic on his cell-phone, no doubt whispering
"customer with intermittent problem and crazed look on his face needs assistance
in service bay three."
It took two certified mechanics
another hour and a half to decide that it was the battery after all, and
to drop in a new one. In the meantime, I sat in the customer lounge watching
their movie du jour on video. "Apollo 13." It's about three guys with serious
battery problems.
After settling up with the
service department, I shook the rep's hand, telling him: "I feel so much
better now it's ridiculous."
He paused a second before
answering: "We're all very glad to hear you say that."
Scoper
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