Comments
by Scoper...
Down For the Count
Maybe I was on to something
last week. This whole election spectacle is decidedly less depressing if
you can laugh about it. Not being a comedy writer by trade, I could only
come up with this: "Hey, didja hear about the big Florida ballot helium
balloon in the Macy's parade? They figured no one would ever poke a hole
in it!"
I know, pretty lame. But
if you've gotten this far, let me thank you by saying I'm turning it over
to the professionals. Specifically, a comedy troupe known as "Rewind" heard
recently on National Public Radio. Transcribed, it should just about fill
up a column, and get me off the hook with the editor for one more week…
Somewhere in a canvassing
board office in an eastern county of Florida:
Fred: (muttering) 12 hundred
23, 12 hundred 24, 12 hundred 25…
John: Hey Fred, we're gonna
be counting these ballots all night. Let's order some pizza.
Fred: All right, just make
it fast! We've got until 2 o'clock tomorrow to count these accurately!
John: (moving to phone) OK!
Fred: Now, let's see, 12
hundred 27, 12 hundred 28…
John: (in background) Yeah,
Dominos, how much for your large combo? $14.98!
Fred: 14 ninety-nine, 15
hundred…
John: Hey, I got a coupon
here that says $12.50!
Fred: 12 fifty-one, 12 fifty-two…12
fif…
John: Hey Fred, whaddya want
on it?
Fred: (annoyed) Wha…oh, anything!
I don't care! Where was I…12 fifty four…
John: OK, I guess we'll have
some pepperoni, mushrooms, and um…
Fred: 12 fifty-five…ahh!
Another hanging chad!
John: Uh…a hanging chad…uh…let's
get some black olives on it…
Fred: Oh, no! This one's
dimpled!
John: I'm sorry, make that
dimpled chad…
Fred: Ahh, what number was
I at?
John: Yeah, my number is
6,8,5…
Fred: 686, 687…
John: 7,9,6,3…
Fred: 7964…wait…oh, dammit!
JOHN! Now we have to start all over!
John: (still on phone) OK…yeah,
I'm sorry, we gotta start over…Well, you don't have to get snippy!!
Now, that's comedy you can
count on! Originally produced by KUOW in Seattle. And no, I don't get free
pizza from Dominos!
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