Comments
by Scoper...
I Am the Government
And I Am Here To Help You
"Feel lucky that we ran into
each other. Powerful, amorphous forces are holding you back, holding you
down. You are a victim. Nothing bad that has ever happened to you is your
own fault. Nor did anything bad happen to you by circumstance. It's a vast
conspiracy, and they are after you. I will protect you from
them.
I am the Government.
I am the United States
Government, which we all know is inherently benevolent. I am not
like the Marxist/Leninist totalitarian systems you have read about in school,
nor am I a theocratic dictatorship such as Iran under the Ayatollah. Eat!
There is plenty of food here. But don't thank the farmers for producing
it, and especially don't thank Archer Daniels Midland or genetic engineering
for increasing production efficiency and reducing its cost to you. These
corporations are so evil I can barely take their campaign contributions.
Thank the Government for your daily bread and meat. Let the Government
know when you get hungry. We'll work something out.
I am not the Democratic
Party. I am not the Republican Party. I am the Incumbent
Party, set up to ensure that no matter who gets elected to Congress or
the White House, little if anything ever changes. The Incumbent Party has
great plans, but to implement them I need a bit more tax money and you
need a little less decision power. You must trust me. You'll be fine if
you let me help.
But I can't help you if you
tie my hands. Some don't understand my Grand Vision and are constantly
speaking out against it. That's the problem with the First Amendment to
the Constitution. It lets people complain openly about homosexuality,
about certain types of abortions, racial quotas, not to mention those silly,
outrageous claims about abuses of power and eroding of individual freedoms!
They can't see that it's all for the People! The Founding Fathers, bless
their 18th-century hearts, could not have understood that free
speech for everyone, especially of those whose speech you disagree
with, is no way to build a bridge to the 21st century.
Some just don't "get it."
At least my operatives have
made some progress in the public schools, and especially major universities,
where impressionable young people are being taught that "free speech" is
"insensitive speech" which is "hate speech," and you may not hate
certain groups or ideas. Don't worry about what "not to hate;" these decisions
have been made for you. You will be better off. Society will be better
off. There are some things today that you just don't speak against.
You may not hurt other people's feelings! You have no right! Once
you are convinced of why you must feel good about certain concepts
- even those that sicken you - you will stop abusing the First Amendment.
You see, I cannot merely have you begrudgingly accept these teachings,
you
must like them and be happy about them.
By the way, I must also have
your gun. The phrase "well-regulated militia" in the Second Amendment invalidates
any claim you might have thought you had to possessing a firearm. Please
don't waste my time by telling me that it's your first and possibly only
line of defense against predatory people. Or that guns are used far more
often to prevent crimes than to commit them. My politically-correct statisticians
make a living denying these things.
Hollywood (aside from Charlton
Heston) is already on board with this. And Hollywood sends me an awful
lot of money, so if Rosie O'Donnell and Alec Baldwin decide that all must
be disarmed except for their own private security guards, surely you can
see that it's for the public good.
I am the Government; I will
protect you from any danger.
And if the predator kills
you, he'll be charged with murder. He's been through it before and
knows the drill. Of course he's got a gun. But he's a professional
lawbreaker and needs one when he's working. Be assured that we'll take
his gun away, as soon as we catch him. And when he gets out, he'll
have to buy another one at wildly inflated prices, because as a convicted
felon, he can't buy one legally. Ha! The joke's on him!
Society is too complicated
now. You CAN'T do for yourself. I'll leave you some of the money you earn
(you're welcome,) but I really need more than half of it to take care of
you. Freedom is not free, you know. Keep working, and the more you earn,
the more I'll have, too. (That's the "progressive system.") Oh, the things
I can do for you!
I am the Government, and
I am here to help you."
|
