Comments
by Java Mann
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Bad
Rep
Today gentle reader we will
discuss the topic my editor has been dreading, and my fan base has been
drooling in anticipation of: Sex. At this point I encourage the faint of
heart to click onto something else, and the rest of you to lock the door
and dim the lights. Who do I think I’m kidding? No one who reads my column
is faint of heart...and most of you read this in the dark and in various
stages of undress anyway. I wouldn’t expect anything less. |
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Before I go any further,
I will begin by saying the following is based on my personal observations
and is in no way the results of a scientific study.
Male homosexuals have a reputation
for being promiscuous. Lesbians have a reputation for long lasting relationships.
Neither of these is based in documented fact, but most stereotypes do have
a root in truth. Whether these reputations are deserved or not is a moot
point and it is not my intention to try to defend the sexual practices
of the entire gay community. The purpose of this column is to present a
possible explanation as to why these reputations exists.
To state the obvious, the
primary difference between the sex lives of heterosexuals and homosexuals
is the gender of their partners. Both straight and gay couples enjoy the
secondary benefits of a sexual relationship (it feels good, it bonds a
relationship, it feels good, it’s comforting, it feels good, it reduces
stress levels….), but for a straight couple the risk of an unwanted pregnancy
acts to curtail sexual activity. Nine months of pregnancy and a lifetime
as a parent would certainly make me think more than twice
about a one night stand.
The differences between gender
play a decided role in sexual activity. (Duh.) A woman’s sex drive is kept
in check by her inherent selective nature. They are as a rule, looking
for the best possible mate, a good provider, someone who will be there
for them and their kids. To this end, a straight couple must contend with
a woman’s reluctant nature and the life changing condition of pregnancy.
Understanding this, I am amazed that straight couples ever
engage in casual sex.
Guys, as a rule, are thinking
with the smaller of their two heads. To paraphrase Robin Williams, "God
gave men two heads, but a blood supply only big enough for one to work
at a given time".
Gay (male) couples do not
have to contend with a woman’s selective nature or the possibility of pregnancy.
Add to this the male sex drive (times two), and you have a pronounced tendency
for promiscuity.
Lesbians, on the other hand
have a reputation for being anything but promiscuous. Their reputation
is for forming long lasting emotional bonds. This makes sense, as when
they’ve found the best possible mate, they tend stay together.
Kinda makes sense, no?
Anyway, that’s my two cents
worth on the topic of sex. If you liked the column, tell your friends.
If you didn’t, write to my editor. Use lots of obscene language. He likes
it.
You may get dressed and turn
the lights up now.
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