Comments
by The Changer
Do We Really Need To Procreate?
| OK,
it’s official: one more commercial suggesting we protect our reproductive
rights will drive me to violence. Now don’t get me wrong; I don’t
have a problem with abortion or the campaign to keep it legal. It’s
more the term “reproductive rights” that I have issues with. It’s
time we all realize something very important: Just because you CAN
do something, doesn’t mean you should. |
 |
We all watched that video in
fifth grade that demonstrated the difference between boy parts and girl
parts, and it didn’t take much imagination to figure out that they fit
together. Three years later, I realized the consequences of using
one’s imagination to make those parts fit together in new and interesting
ways. Her name was Angela, and she was pregnant for the second time
at 14 years old.
First, let’s start with some
famous examples of what happens when fucked-up people decide to reproduce:
Enrique Iglesias
George W Bush
Chelsea Clinton
The Osmonds
The Kennedys
The Royal Family
Charlie Sheen & Emilio
Estevez
The Baldwin Brothers
Michael Douglas
Kiefer Sutherland
CODY!
Chastity Bono
Now for my explanation of
what has happened to our society. As a Midwesterner, I’ve seen first-hand
what happens when cousins have a “special” relationship. In case
you’re unfamiliar with inbreeding, here are the basics: When two
people from the same gene pool breed, the progeny end up all sorts of fucked
up. Every flaw that “runs in the family” is amplified in the kid.
And, oh yeah, the chance of mental handicaps is multiplied when people
inbreed. So now let’s twist the inbreeding principle just a bit.
Rather than looking at families, let’s look at personality traits.
If an egotistical asshole breeds with a self-centered bitch, the child
will turn out to be an egotistical, self-centered, sarcastic asshole-bitch.
Let’s say we have two couples like that. And then the egotistical,
self-centered, sarcastic asshole-bitch breeds with the egotistical, self-centered,
sarcastic, bitchy, asshole. So now we have an arrogant, narcissistic,
self-absorbed, idiotic, bitchy asshole-squared. Well, folks, we’re
at this generation right now. Do we want to see what happens when
we breed?
So, here’s what I propose:
extinction, plain and simple. I’m willing to forfeit any possibility
of reproduction, if you do the same. If you do fit into the example
above, you probably think you’re so fucking amazing that the world needs
more of you, don’t ya? Yeah, well, go ahead, reproduce. We
really need more of you. If you don’t consider yourself to fit into
my example above, then do you want your children going to school with kids
like that? Do you want to be the only parent who actually cares about
your children and what they do with their lives? I know this appears
to be defeatist, which isn’t exactly my style, but that’s not it at all.
Let’s just learn from our mistakes and start over. Let’s pick our
Noah and his wife for the next time around and just start all over.
This is a first, so pay attention. I admit that I do not know everything.
Without your help, I can’t choose our couple to breed the new version of
our species. So email me, and I’ll post the results as soon as I
have enough votes.
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