Natural Occurrence

It is strange and sometimes scary how quick attraction can take over your mind. I was at the bank a little under ten minutes ago when I saw her. I was inside because I hate the drivethrough. It's so impersonal. Besides that bank tellers are often attractive or at the very least friendly and you miss that by going through the window. I like personal contact with people.

The teller was in the process of cashing my check when I looked out the window and saw the cutest blonde I had seen all day, with the exception of Summer. She had the most piercing eyes. 

I couldn’t help but stare and besides that she was looking at me as well. I had a big smile on my face to begin with because of a joke just cracked by one of the other customers but when I saw her it got bigger. She was in the passenger side and there was another woman in the rear of the car. I knew that I had been noticed. I knew that I was the conversation piece. Whether that was good or bad could not be determined but the fact that I was spotted could not be ignored. Sometimes you just know these things. 

Of course,  the way that they all kept looking at me, dead in the eyes, might have had a little influence on my knowing this. What do you do in a situation like this? To be honest, I haven’t the faintest idea. I, at most times, am very shy and so when they looked at me I avoided eye contact. I hated that I did it but I found myself doing it before I even thought about it. We have been trained for so long to avoid eye contact that it becomes second nature. It’s as if we believe that any situation can go quickly hostile if we make eye contact. But I kept smiling. I guess because the day had been going so well. 

Earlier in the week I had been suffering from the winter blues and it was hard to even want to get out of bed much less be noticed by someone. A person’s mood alters the air around them and that affects how, when and if they are noticed. Fortunately for me the sun was shining and Summer had found the healing tonic that I needed to get rid of the bad juju floating in the air around me the night before. I could still smell her and I was feeling so much like a bad boy that I had been smiling all day. I was thinking of what I would do this weekend and of the people, especially the women, that I would like to get to know. 

I enjoy the thrill of getting to know someone new. To find out what makes them tick. Even when sex is not an issue there is a certain intoxicating vigor that comes from getting to know someone new. People rarely get the chance to really make friends with new people because they are so closed off to the group that they know and feel comfortable with. Today I was feeling daring and adventurous and I had been saying hello to almost everyone that walked down the hall. Women that had never even smiled at me were actually stopping and talking to me. I felt on top of the world. 

Besides that, in the interactions between men and women there is always a sexual side to it. There is always at least a subtle flirting that goes on even when you are not overwhelmingly attracted to them. It’s this tension that sits there between the two that enables you to want to get to know them better. That there may be a possibility for more even if it is only a dream secretly and silently shared. Perhaps that is why I have always enjoyed the company of women over men. I enjoy that flirting that goes on in even the most innocent of interactions. That and I do love women. 

So here I was in the bank faced with a potential situation that could turn out to be what I had been thinking about all day. The chance to meet someone new and attractive was right on the horizon but what was I to do about it?. She was in her car at the window and I was inside separated by some  ten odd feet or so of wood and glass and cameras and a nasty cop that would send me to the pokey if I dared to try and leap the counter to speak to this beautiful woman with the piercing eyes. He would never believe my intentions were pure. So I stood there trying not to look awkward, though I felt it, and waited for my cash to come back so that I could leave. There was not much else to do. 

I walked out to the jeep disappointed by the fact that I could not speak with the woman but also elated that I had been noticed. I felt that the talk was good and that made me smile. That is all that it takes for a man, or a woman for that matter, to really feel alive. Never, and I do mean never, underestimate the value of a well-timed compliment or the subtle ways that you can make a person feel good about themselves. No one can ever hear they look good too much. Because deep down inside we never quite believe it. We need the reassurance. I was disappointed but it was a sweet disappointment. 

When I pulled out I found that the women had pulled out right behind me. Their timing was perfect but my problem was no closer to a solution. We stopped at the stoplight and I watched them through my rearview mirror. Still being ever so cautious to not stare to long or too much. Sick games we play with each other and ourselves. We made the same turn and my heart leaped. Would they follow me and stop to talk? This idea was exciting me. But it did not happen. I pulled into the parking spot only to turn and see them drive on by. The last thing I saw was the blonde’s alluring eyes watching me as they passed by. It felt good. 

I went on with my business with a spring in my step and a smile that was backed with a little more confidence. I paid my rent and then went upstairs to my apartment. I kept looking to see if maybe they would double back but I had no such luck. I was surprised when I caught myself looking out the window to see if perhaps now she had circled back and was sitting at or even better leaving a note on my jeep. It was a completely irrational thought but I could not stop myself from checking the window several times. 

So here I am now typing up my little story, still thinking of her and still getting up periodically to check the window. This is a small town and my hopes are that perhaps I will see her again. She knows where I live. Or, at the least, she saw where I parked and if she drives by there often she will see it a lot and either figure I work or live close by. If nothing else happens then I will at least have my fish story. You know the drill, the one that got away. The one that was almost in the boat but at the last moment you realize that you forgot the net and then the line snaps. But that is life. Not everyone that you meet and have such a strange and fascinating attraction to can be more than that. And when you think about it why should it? 

People are always forcing things and trying to make things happen that are often better left alone. Sure I could have ran outside and tried to flag them down and perhaps they wouldn’t have thought my boldness a form of insanity but charming. Who knows? But as it stands now I have an image of myself that is a little better than it was before I walked into the bank. I have been with plenty of women in my life. Some I have gone out of my way to try and meet them and others just sort of fell out of the sky. It is the latter that I remember the most. The ones that it seems were just fated to happen. 

Perhaps that is why Summer is so special to me. Because neither of us tried to take things any faster than they developed on there own. Because of that "natural occurrence" I have been able to develop something more than a sexual relationship with her. I was able to find a true friend where otherwise I would have been looking for something else entirely. Because of this special friendship I have learned to love and enjoy these times when I have been "spotted" and enjoy them for what they are rather than beat myself up for not being bolder. 

Sure I will probably think of her, this woman that got away, but not the way in which I used to. Not the way that made me feel even lower for not taking any action but in that way that makes a person feel wonderful just by living in the moment with nothing else attached to it. Life is indeed all good!

the_Satyr 

P.S.- By the way, if you happen to be reading this and you are that beautiful blonde that I saw, you can email me by clicking my name at the top of this column. I would love to hear from you. And if you are reading this column and are not the one but would like to email me anyway, well then more power to you, I always appreciate comments and suggestions.