Partners In Crime  

I have been asked by several fans of my column to include more sex in my articles, not necessarily hardcore pornography but a little more erotica.  This is a request that I am going to pursue but not in this article.  Perhaps in a later article I will tell about how a few years back I, at the request of a good friend, helped his girl get her fantasy of double penetration.  Or maybe I will talk about my trip to Atlanta and the stripper I fell in complete lust over because she had a blue wig and a pierced clit.  

I may discuss my attraction to a woman’s back and the mystique that it gives them or I might talk about my experience with multiple partners.  I would love to talk about all of this and would love to hear about what you the reader wants to hear about so feel free to email me by clicking here or on my name at the top of this column.  But right now I can’t talk about that.  I am not in the mood for that type of story.  Right now I am going through a state of transformation that was brought on rather quickly last night and left me in a deep funk for most of the morning.

I went to a party with my woman last night and had not a horrible time but I was bored and felt very left out of the group.  Although I knew a few of these people they were mostly old friends of hers and they seemed to be scrutinizing me and my relationship with Summer.  They all wanted to know if we were a couple, as they suspected, or if Summer was what men liked to call “fair game.”  I was uncomfortable being looked at as an obstacle.  

I have a need to feel liked.  I want the attention of others and want them to leave thinking they met a cool dude.  I want to talk with women and get to know them better and to be thought of as someone they want to spend more time with at a later date.  That is why I write.  No matter what any one says about writing only for the sake of art, all artists want recognition.  They want to be recognized for their work and hopefully even be praised for it.  Fame and fortune is what drives the artist.  It is only after he has attained this that he can then sit back and look for the medium there that will suit his particular tastes. 

I have talked to Summer before about her desire to go out and have fun alone at times and how sometimes when we go out together she likes to go as friends so that we can all enjoy the gathering without her feeling like she is only an extension of me.  In some past relationships, she has been made to feel this way and she likes to have her independence.  I understood what she was saying but understanding and feeling are two different things.  Last night I was in her shoes. I was in the position where I was thought of as only an extension of her.   I felt what she felt when she was treated differently because someone didn’t want to step on my shoes.  It doesn’t matter that I don’t view her as my “property” because they so often feel that way about their own women that they assume that I must as well.

And perhaps in ways I have helped foster this attitude.  Summer and I have a very special relationship and before when we have gone out I have had a hard time just viewing her as a friend when we are so much more.  Sure I avoid any overtly public displays of affection but what the mind thinks and feels is put out into your aura.  It can be felt by those that are around you even though you are hoping that they don’t see it. My difficulty in seeing her as just a friend can be felt by others easily and the assumption we are there as a couple is difficult to get past.  Before last night I really had no idea the damage I was doing myself.

The truth is that Summer and I are more like friends than a couple.  We share with each other the thoughts and feelings that are usually only reserved for close friends because most couples find it hard to accept the more delicate matters of each other.  They find it troublesome to know the true heart of their other half because to do so challenges the way they view the opposite sex.  So in this way we are the best of friends but we have added bonuses.  We have a great sex life which, while it does qualify us as more than friends to most people, it is after all just sex.  Sex is passion and lust and emotion conceived into physical action.  

Don’t get me wrong, I love the sex, but I love the sharing moments; the times when we sit back and share our deepest desires even if they involve other people.  Indeed those are the best of times because in those moments we are reminded that we are both human and still have desires and dreams to carry out.  We come to the understanding that we don’t “belong” to each other as much as we have just chosen to share ourselves wholly with the other person. We know that these other feelings that we have and want to act on are not derived out of something that is wrong with our relationship but more out of something that is so right about it.

I think men find this harder to accept than woman.  Women are so often thought of as “Mr. So-and-So’s” wife than who they are as a person.  I mean look at the institution of marriage and you can see this clearly.  Who is given away at the wedding to another person?  Who is expected to change their name?  Who is it that is transformed into an extension of the other person?  Men don’t have to deal with this loss of identity so blatantly as woman do.  

So it was very surprising to feel this way; to know that afterwards I would be thought of as “that guy Summer brought to the party that night.” To realize that it was partly my doing was even more shocking and revealing to me.  I have never done well in the social scene and I usually cling to the people I know.  I rarely initiate contact with others but wait till I am approached.  This is a personal issue that I have to deal with and it is a challenge that I look forward to tackling.  I want to be able to go out with her and feel accepted and have a good time with her and everyone else because I do enjoy her company.  I can see that I would enjoy the company of her friends as well if I would allow myself.  I think that if we can get past this perception of others and the vibes that I put out we could enjoy yet another

Sure,  we will have our separate time as well.  We both know we need time outs in order to refuel our own personal energies but to be able to enjoy time together with others without the constraints of couple hood would enhance our quality of life together.  In the past I have looked at this as a denial of what we are to others but I now see that it is not a denial of us but a statement of our own individuality.  Nothing changes in the way we relate to each other but rather it is altered to better balance us as the people that we are separate as well.  We all need that because we all crave the attention of others and the recognition of who we are and not whom we are connected to at the moment.  It is the ultimate expression of freedom because we chose to let ourselves be who we want when we want.  When we want to go out and be seen as a couple and do all the couple things that singles gag at the mall over we can.  When we want to go out and just be seen as two good friends hanging out and chilling we can.  

Even though I have known this I have never had the feeling of the heart to back it up.  I now have that and must thank Summer for allowing me that opportunity to grow.  I really didn’t want to go to the party last night but she wanted me to go with her so I did and even though I didn’t enjoy myself as well as I could have I learned a very valuable lesson about myself.  If not for her encouragement and helpful pushes I would be much less the man that I am now.  I must thank her wholly for believing in me and wanting only for me to live the life I have always dreamed of living.  She is truly an amazing woman and there is no question why people love to be around her.  I learn more and more from her everyday.

So, dear readers wish me luck in my quest to be a true “Partner in Crime,” and I in turn will endeavor to give you a little more erotica to read and hopefully brighten your day.  Remember it’s all good if you keep the proper frame of mind.