Sexual Trading

I often walk home from Summer’s place. She has several nosy neighbors that like to butt into her business and if my jeep is parked there for too long a time period then I must be living with her. So in order to avoid conflict and trouble I walk there and then walk home. Most nights it is late when I leave there, almost always after midnight, so the streets are empty and quiet. The air is getting crisp now but it is still a pleasant walk and it gives me lots of time to think.

I have some of the most wonderful thoughts on these walks under the starlit sky. A few nights ago I left and before I made it out of the parking lot I was struck with a peculiar thought. It had to do with the way that men view women and emotions and sex. Too often men are taught that if they listen to a woman’s problems then they will get closer to having sex with them. They think that if they let them bitch and complain or talk for hours about how they feel then they can exchange that time spent on them for sex. It’s like they think they are in a giant bazaar where they can barter for what they want, blowjobs for ten minutes of listening to this woman bitch and complain, for a mere two years of drop down drag out fights you get this women and her girlfriend for one night, come on folks they're not going to be here forever!

Now, at first thought this doesn’t sound too bad, well the drop out fights might be pushing it a little, but hey, to each his own. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, right? Not so dear reader, not so. The problem with this kind of thought is that women don’t want to feel that they have to give you sex so that you will listen to them. Nor do they want to have sex with everyone that they feel like they can confide in. Why should they? Shouldn’t the fact that they think that you are so special that they would share their innermost dreams and fears with be enough? Why can men, as a whole, not appreciate that they are getting to know a woman for who she is and not always be looking to steer it towards what they want? The trade off is not you hear her bullshit and then you get sex. The trade off is that she shares who she is and you get the benefit of touching another person’s soul. You get the comfort of knowing that you are special and hell maybe even the chance to share some of yourself and both of you can learn from each other. 

See men have stumbled down this road of barterdom because of the way that men and women view sex. Women as a whole, like to have emotions involved while a man can have an absence of emotions and still have sex. The penis is a driving force; it penetrates. While the vagina is like a flower, it opens and receives. It gives up or surrenders to the penis. So it is natural for a woman to want to feel comfortable with a man so that she can feel like surrendering to him and enjoying herself. Sure they can surrender to anyone at any time and most likely still retain control of themselves, but it's much more enjoyable when they can feel comfortable with the person. In order to do that they must share whom they are and feel that they are accepted for that. So men got the idea, well if I do this then I am in there. But this is false reasoning and dangerous to them because they really don’t get to know the person. They wear a false mask of sincerity and in the end every one loses out. Sure it may be fun at the time to get what you want but eventually that wears thin and the fun is gone. 

It’s when you try to really understand a woman that you learn more about yourself and what you want out of life. Every soul that you connect with gives you a new and different perspective on yourself and other people. This can only be accomplished through honesty. Lies may get you what you want but in the end, is that all that you really want? 

Now I know what you are thinking. Come on now, if I am honest with a woman how can I get what I want. Well if sex is all that you want, then I guarantee that you will get it quicker through honesty than through lies. Even in a relationship such as mine, where I see other people, honesty still gets me more sex than lies. All of the women that I have been with know that I see other people. Not only that but they know how special I think Summer is. And I still get sex from them. I still get to share their time and their lives. Most of these women have never been into casual sex. Most of them have always held monogamous relationships and are not prone to sharing their man. But because I am honest with them I think it feels less like sharing because we share things too. Each woman shares a part of herself, besides the sex, and I learn new things from them and gain insights into who I am. 

This happens because I do not look to have sex with them. That is not my goal. I am not trying to barter my time in exchange for a few hours between their thighs. I barter my time for their stories, for their views on life and for time to share myself. If I were just looking to have sex with them they would figure it out real quick. Maybe I might get a one-night stand but never consecutive nights and never for what I might gain out of it in the long run. No, in the long run I am better off because I get to see the real beauty of life. Not the fucking and hot passionate sex, but the beauty of another human being. Each of us is different in our own little way and each of us can give the other special gifts that can last a lifetime. Sex functions very little in that and is more enjoyable and fun with it. 

Bartering for sex is a fruitless passtime no matter what all the self help books and so called professional therapists tell you about how to score with chicks. Yes men and women are different, men do like to go into their caves and women do like to talk about themselves without solutions being offered. But there is a middle ground there that doesn’t deal with what you can get out of the situation. There is a place there where two people can share and come to love each other. And sometimes sex comes into the picture and sometimes not. So long as you are not looking to barter that sharing specifically for the sex you are going to come out better in the long run. I guarantee it. If nothing else comes out of it, you at least will have a good friend. And a good woman friend, one that will give you insights into how women truly think, providing you are willing to listen, is worth more than any amount of one night stands based on lying and putting up false pretenses. A friend like that will definately have you believing that it is all good!