Comments
by Xona.
Jerry Falwell Offers Time-shares
in Heaven
XONA RELIGIOUS NEWS SERVICE..........
The Rev. Jerry Falwell announced
today that GOD, and his son Jesus Christ have agreed to create 12,000,000
heavenly time-share apartments in heaven for earthlings who would otherwise
be spending eternity in Hell.
"Now, sinners, homosexuals,
sexual perverts, people who were not born again, and other evil earthlings
will be able to spend one week in heaven each and every year for all eternity,"
the Rev. Falwell stated.
"This is really exciting,"
said Falwell. "In a vision, GOD showed me the location of the time-shares
in heaven." "They will be located right next to Hallelujah Blvd., which
is the main street in heaven." "In addition, they are located only a short
distance from Holy Hill where GOD has his mansion."
"Across Hallelujah Blvd.
and to the right, just below GOD's mansion is the palace of Jesus Christ
with the Virgin Mary's home just below that," Reverend Falwell went on.
"From each time-share apartment balcony, the nightly procession of angels
can be seen by all time-share owners."
"It is a sight to behold
as millions of angels with wings flapping and harps playing move along
the Blvd. in a dazzling display of heavenly beauty and grace." "In addition,
every day there is a lottery drawing to select 100 time-share partners
to have dinner with GOD at the LORDS table."
"This is a great way to get
to know and talk with GOD, the creator, just as if he was an ordinary soul,"
Rev. Falwell claimed. "And," Rev. Falwell continued, "the children have
not be forgotten." "Each day Jesus personally selects several hundred young
boys and girls to come a visit him at his palace."
"In heaven, Jesus is known
as the Michael Jackson of paradise, as he loves those young boys and girls
and has lots of amusements, rides, games, and eating goodies, like streets
of marshmallows and fountains of coca cola for the children to indulge
themselves with," said a smiling Rev. Falwell.
To qualify for a timeshare
of 7 days one has to admit to the Reverend Falwell that he or she is a
sinner and agrees to give 25% of all future income until they die so he
can continue with GOD's work on earth.
There is a limit of one time-share
per individual. The Reverend Falwell will communicate the names of each
timeshare purchaser to GOD via a special transmitter that is being installed
at Liberty University. It will project a special beam that goes straight
to heaven giving GOD the names of those who are purchasing their week-a-year
in heaven.
Because of the anticipated
heavy demand for these heavenly time-shares, one thousand Christian volunteers
are standing by the Falwell phone banks to take your time-share order now.
This offer is limited to the first 624,000,000 who call in.
The Reverend Falwell suggests
that all non born-again Christians, who will be spending eternity in Hell,
pick up the telephone and call 1-800-LET-MEGO before their chance
for a taste of heaven is no longer available.
Xona
XONA RELIGIOUS NEWS SERVICE -
Where the word of GOD is News.............. |
